I sat in my room contemplating the decision I had to make. I was experiencing an inner struggle between who I was and who I thought I should be to protect myself. In hindsight, the decision was not a hard one to make but at that moment it seemed like it. I weighed the pros and cons of both. I imagined what my life would look like if I choose the latter. I prayed. I searched my heart. I reasoned. Then I remembered want I wanted people to say about me and how I wanted people to feel about me when I leave this earth. I did not want to give anyone room to say that I did not live according to my values.
You see it is so easy to let hurtful words and actions and the unfairness of life rob you of your joy and goodness. That was the battle I was facing. To harden my heart or not. To offer grace or insult. To pacify situations with peace or ignite them with anger. To live free in my faith or in the bondage of sin. It is clear that some part of me believed it would be beneficial to harden my heart. That part of me believed that if I did so I would protect myself from any future pain or wrongdoing. I could just get others before they got me. However, my reality was that I knew better. I knew deep down inside that I was better than that. I knew that I was called to spread peace, love and joy. I knew that I am to love my brothers and sisters as I love myself.
When I finished crying and weighing my options. I made the only honorable decision there was to make. I decided not to harden my heart. Hardening my heart would mean victory for the enemy and I cannot have that. I decided to do my best to extend the same grace that God shows me daily. No matter how bad it hurt. No matter how hard it was. Extending grace is daily decision and I am getting better and better at every day. I must say that it was worth it. Hate, grief, bitterness, anger, and distrust binds the spirit. However, love, forgiveness, mercy, grace and peacefulness sets the spirit free.
That day I chose freedom. I urge you to do the same. Cast out things that are not of the Lord and seek those things that are. We have a purpose over our lives that we cannot fulfill if we choose to live our lives with a hardened heart. I hope that you all decide to live your life in love. I pray for your strength.
Amen sis! <3